Absurd Conversations – Various dates

I feel sort of bad for not posting in a long time. The truth is I haven’t gone anywhere since June, so I haven’t had anything to write. I’ve been trying to think of a way to repurpose my blog so that I post to it at least monthly, and I think I’ve finally figured something out.

Instant messaging creates some entertaining conversations. I’ve decided to post up some of the more interesting ones. They’re interesting to me at least. Names have been changed to protect the innocent.

Modern Geeks

me: what's up PPE?
J: jigga what?
purple python evangelist?
tom brady is addicted to disappointing me
micheal vick keeps doing well, and brady keeps trying to chase his tail
me: he and terrel owens must be in the same support group then.
J: yeah, sounds like to has a bobo
you been taunting tammy over her excellant performance so far this week?
me: bastard. first he sucks, then he gets injured.
i'm savign it for tomorrow when the game is finally over.
J: yeah... and I hear he's not a very nice person
me: i'm hoping her rb actually rushes for negative yards.
J: that'd be hip
like what happened for me
me: i'd really love it if i more than doubled her score rather than almost doubled it.
J: I had a wide receiver go for -1 and another for 2
my Wide receivers are crap
me: good showing
J: my back up ones went for 8 and 0
so the 8 sounds like a keeper, the rest are dead to me
so C has a Wide receiver left to weigh in, I still have my defense and tight end... I think I'm going to get buried
me: i've got to figure out what i'm going to do after next week. TO was already going to be out for week 3 due to bye. but i'm thiking i might need to do something about my TE
J: on the plus side, my reserve players so far have 6 more pts than my actives
me: sweet!
could be a tough game for yoru defense
J: rabble
me: but, it could also be really good. i think your d is stronger than the jak d.
J: heres hoping
me: unfortunately, you have to hope for 6-3 defensive struggle
maybe a couple of touchdowns on fumble recovs and interceptions.
J: hmm... tachyon pulse?
yeah that'd be sweet
me: what you don't want is for pit to have a good passing game.
hmmm, were they trying to repel another ship?
or seal up a rift in the space time continuum
J: it's the voyager response for... wtf? "The tachyon pulse" or when things are extremely dire... "The reverse Tachyon pulse"
me: saw a couple eps of tng on friday. they were from season 1 or 2. almost painful to watch.
J: did you see the last episode of enterprise
it's akin to sliting your wrists and sitting in a bathtub of salty water
me: yeah. i hate to admit, but i watched the whole series
didn't miss an episode.
J: me too... a kind of dirty that doesn't wash off easily
me: it was like a little bit of torture every tues (thurs? fri?) night
like a hangnail. you hate it but you can't stop playing with it.
J: I always downloaded the episodes, I might have seen it once or twice on tv
yeah, or a trainwreck
you know you shouldn't look, but you just can't turn away
me: capt sisko
could not stand watching him.
he seriously couldn't sniff pic's jock as far as captaining something.
J: wow the titans defense scored 0 pts
yeah, ds9 was perhaps my least favorite
me: who got stuck with them?
J: I thought of it as really just a soap opera in space
N (ed. Answer to “who got stuck with them”
p. manning netted him 34 pts... what a load
me: i know.
J: C and I spoke this morning about this... I think I need to make some voodoo dolls
me: A vs J2 has potential to get interesting.
if jags have a good game.
J: rooting for A... that's messed up
:)
my defense and her defense can't both score well can they?
me: like me rooting for J2.
if you get the all field goal game rollign they both can.
J: I had one of those in week 1
me: someone had it this week i think.
kc vs someone?
which means my rb wasn't nearly as impressive as he should have been.
bastard.
supposed to break tackles and head for the endzone.
that's your home
don't you want to go home?
J: my kicker scored me 6 field goals in game 2
game 1 rather
me: nice!
wish mine would do that.
J: I'm eating dried cranberries and watching smallville
god bless america
me: hate college kids. they always have too much freedom.
shouldn't you be grading a paper or something?
J: I missed it so much over the summer... waking up early and everything
me: i've missed it every day since 1992 :(
J: ack
go on paternity leave?
me: would rather just wake up early for work.
J: on the last day have something go wrong and the adoption doesn't go through
how much longer till you move into your house?
me: not this thursday but the next.
J: awesome
me: i know. i'm so ready for the saga to be done with.
J: so do you know anything about los cabos?
me: it got hit by a hurricane earlier this month.
J: shit really?
me: the big brother sequester house was there.
they all had to evacuate.
J: (fiancée) and I just booked a honey moon there for next june
me: to a shitty little development in AZ!
should be fine in june.
all inclusive resort?
J: yup
me: sweet!
J: yeah I'm looking forward to it
we almost booked a cruise in the worlds largest cruise ship, but I think that will just have to wait till another day
it just went into service in may... they don't even have pictures of the stinking thing yet
me: i've heard about that one. i think they have a thing on it where you can go surfing.
like up where the rock climbing wall normally is.
J: yup
I've watched the documentary about building the thing
a couple of times...
me: hmm. need to see that.
J: I've never been on a cruise though
me: i've been on one. i loved it. it was a 3 night thing. we're going on a 7 day one in december.
try the royal carrib out of galveston to cozumel.
it was pretty cheap too.
for a vacation.
J: I think I need to lose some weight before I go on a cruise
me: amazing food. 5 star dining every night, and it's included as part of the package.
J: I could totally put on a winter coat after a week of all you can eat
me: you wouldn't be the biggest one there.
J: I might leave that way though
I have dedication and the will of the warrior
I went to an asian market yesterday, they had "Double York" eggs... I took a picture with my camera while (fiancee) was telling me I was making a scene
me: that's funny.
send it to jay?
J: do you know her cell phone number?
me: jay leno? i'm pretty sure it's unlisted.
J: ah I thought you meant (co-worker)
I went to a pho place... it was pretty good
me: what kind of food is that?
J: vietnamese soup
the kind I had was chicken curry or something like that
I think usually pho is a beef soup
me: ugh. i hate curry.
J: poor lil feller
thai curry is good stuff
me: if you like nuclear weapons going off in your mouth, i'm sure it is.
J: well I've dabbled with hot... I tried the spicy diet
a stunning failure
thai curry they mix with coconut milk and then put some chicken and veggies in it... I like adding white rice till it's less like soup and more the consistency of something like mashed potatoes
the curry comes out a little sweet, it's good stuff
one time I had some very spicy wings at buffalo wild wings... and then I drank too much... and then my sinuses got to "enjoy" some very spicy wings as they made their way back into the lime light
me: ouch
that just makes me want to cry
J: didn't exactly thrill me
J: so are you headed to canadia?
me: no. i'm done for the year. i'm working on my own project while they're gone. they're in to their 2nd week of the audit right now.
J: ah nice
Back when I was your age... Pluto was a planet
me: and when i drove i had to steer too!
J: best pickup line ever... "Hey does this rag smell like chloroform to you?"
and the best christmas movie is still bad santa
you should check out santa's slay though
me: next time (gf) is out of town i'm all over it.
J: you have seen bad santa right?
me: yeah. good movie. not as good as christmas vacation.
J: must be a generation gap type thing ;)
me: is taht what you guys are?
i know G and i are both gen-x
if you can believe that
J: well that explains why both of you are delusional about christmas movies
me: #2 is xmas story
everything after that is just filler
snap into a slim jim!
J: G actually came up in conversation during class the other day
was kinda weird
me: (previous company named)?
J: yeah
me: did you name drop?
i would have
J: someone asked if people who blow the whistle are employable... prof mentioned that the head person from (previous co) stuff is doing speaches now, but that G was there and is now working for (current co)
well it was in the class, the one I'm a ta for, so the professor already knows I worked with him
me: yeah, but the other students don't necessarily
you had scoreboard and you didn't point it out.
J: I was enjoying the story, didn't want to interupt, I still don't really know much about what G did there with regards to the hunting
me: he was a manager.
which means he may or may not have done any actual work himself.
if it's like here, he did.
shutting down now. talk to you later.
J: see ya cheif


The War with Dept X

Day 1
J2 says: Are they being nice to you?
Me says: who? Dept X? as nice as they usually are. which is to say they constantly have a look that seems to say "why are you talking? can't you tell it bothers me?"
J2 says: I wonder if we can re-outsource them?
Me says: screw that. let's just invade and pillage them. teach them a lesson. show them who's boss.
J2 says: I agree. You and S start the assult and we will reinforce you when we get back.
Me says: between S and i there won't be anything left for the rest of you.
J2 says: That's the spirit! Remind me to give you a sticker when I get back!

Day 2
J2 says: How goes the battle with Dept X?
Me says: they recruited mercenaries to fight with them (Dept Y). We tried to go for the quick win yesterday with a strong frontal assualt but they beat us back. Many casualties on both sides. I think S broke a nail. We're going to try using J3 in a feint today and go for a flanking attack. Bringing in Dept Y may have postponed their inevitable defeat for a little while, but they will crumble before us yet.
J2 says: I will bring in the big artillary-the Trebuchet, when we get back.
Me says: we interviewed on of the analysts down there for the spot we had open up here. i think we can turn her and have a spy in their midst. I plan on having this war wrapped up long before you return.
J2 says: What methods of introgration did you employ?
Me says: chinese water torture and country music
Me says: the water torture didn't bother her but she cracked like a rotten egg after the 70th listen to "Achy Breaky Heart"
J2 says: Very good.

Day 3
Me says: I have good news and bad news. The good news is that in a daring, early hour op S captured Opal (ed. Dept X leader). We’ve converted your cube into a cell for her and she’s currently being interrogated. With their leader cut off, it’s only a matter of time before they fall into disarry. They’re holed up in their cubes in a defensive posture now. One thing I didn’t count on was D (ed. Consultants). I knew they were working together, but I expected that D would play Switzerland and sit this one out. No such luck. Fortunately, they’re poorly organized and supplied.
Me says: Now the bad news. We lost J3 yesterday. He tried to go over the wall to clear out a nest of holdouts and open up some lanes for attacking. Unfortunately he ran into T. She’s a demon! The atrocities she committed on him are going to be infamous. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to get the image of his mutilated body out of my mind.
J2 says: It was good of him to take one for the team.
Me says: he was a good soldier
J2 says: We will enjoy a beer in his honor!
Me says: and tell lies about women!
J2 says: I will have J4 go up the week after next and put the hurt on T. We will have revenge!


Additionally, I’m going to try to make it a regular feature to include a slang “word of the post”. It will do two things.
1. Entertain me
2. Help me get a few funny slang words to help me entertain others.

This entry’s Word of the Post, courtesy of www.urbandictionary.com , is

Dutch Oven - to fart under covers and then pull the covers over your or someone else’s head